Monday, March 8, 2010

Its Been A Bumpy Road..Literally

My face looks like a train hit it. I actually look a hot mess. That horrid double sided pimple I had last week turned into a huge scar on my face. I look horrible. It is my fault because I washed it and put toothpaste all over it...but I made it fucking worst. What the fuck. So now its scabbing from being over washed. Who would have thought? I thought I would take care of it but I of course made it worst. The bad news is I have to walk around with a huge fucking scab on my face for however long. The actual good news is that I do not see Greg till April, so I have time to let this heal. I edit that scar out in pictures, well, try too. It looks very bad. But I bought cocoa butter to help my skin 0ut. Otherwise, I just let it breathe. I felt I should show them. It looks terrible to me. But I have to "let it be" and relax.

Rose thinks I am stressed. Which she says is understandable. Which makes me happy to know that I am not crazy. I like having a label. Just to know what I am that day. I have not been drinking sodas, I never switched soaps. I have not started taking my birth-control yet. Also I had a spaz moment when I could even find those. I had my period this morning then all of a sudden it disapeared. Oh well, see you next time rag. But my body and emotions have been under some real fucked up shit lately. I washed my pretty curls out because I had another spaz out moment. Yeah, pretty fucked up week. So all and all, I have been crying loosely, breaking out with huge mega bumps, I had mu period for like a matter of 2 minutes, and that pretty much sums up whats going on with me. What could I be stressed about?
I don't know. The fact I saw my ex boyfriend and it was weird and I felt like a loser around him. I guess thats why he is my ex right? Lol! I felt stupid around him and felt stupid for even going out to chill with him. I am still bothered by that. We have not talked since we saw each other. I think we won't talk anymore after this but, every time I say that, we start talking all over again. So who knows whats gonna happen. Our relationship gives me whiplash. I also think it pissed me off when he said I eat alot. What the fuck? He is lame. Who am I kidding. I guess I was looking for a strange friendship with him. Something to fill that hole once more. But no one can fill it. I need to accept that and move on. Plus not hearing from my husband made things even more strange for me. It has been like a week of not hearing anything from him. I woke up this morning feeling this is what its like to be...alone with no male people around. That morning I check my email, and of course, with my fucked up blistered head.....there he was. Gregory Mcneely. I did not even read it. Nor have I read it. I don't want too. I don't know why. But I just saw the email and just exited out. Im not mad at him. I just, don't want to deal with anyone or anything....
Im just over it.
I guess I feel like. I went this far without hearing from you. Why do I want to see this fucking email now? For what? But it is what it is. I'll read it later. I just, can not read it now.
Kirsten Stewart is hot.

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