Sunday, February 28, 2010

March 1st: I'll Do Like Tim Gunn And Make It Work...

I saw my mother in law today and that made me feel a lot better then I did today. I drove to her house like a zombie out of hell. I was spaced out and almost not together. But when I saw her. I was happy. It was nice to talk. It was nice to get real answers. It was nice looking at her face and seeing all of Greg's features. Today I almost felt like he was there. This morning is where I heard the news the dates were extended. Dates are extended for pretty much everything. Its such a pain in my ass I hardly want to talk about it.
God I miss him.
I miss us. I even miss the fights. I feel fine. I feel better.
Better then this morning.
Im going to make this right. Or at least make this right for me.
If life gives you lemons, make some god damn lemonade, and sip it till it taste good.
Thats what I will do...

Fuck Distance. Be Here Now. The Start of A Finished Story

Funny, Because I was saving this picture for a moment just like this.
So I got an email today from Greg. Which is funny because I see his Mom today around one. I got two emails. One that was awesome and one that sucked. His good email was about his presentation that he had that went well. The other was his date for coming back April 9th has been pushed back. So now I have to wait and see him until the 19th of April. I. Am. Blown. Im upset but in a strange way. My brain is fine. Im thinking rational. The sad feeling is coming from my heart. Its strange because I feel it that way. My chest hurts. Not pain but I feel a weight over my chest. Its a odd feeling. Almost like being sleepy. Tomorrow is March. But now it feels like that does not even matter. Because I have the rest of April to think about. I am surprized yet not surprized. I already bought my ticket for the tenth. I have to call expedia for a later damn date. But I feel maybe I should not until I know for sure when he can pick me up. Because look at me now, I went ahead and bought the tickets and now I have to change them, again. Today sucks fucking ass.
I ran up my dads phone bill. I feel like shit that I did that if anything. Rose is trying her hardest to cheer me up.But just the thought of being here even longer makes me sick. Yet, living here has not been bad at all. It went fast. But i think the bottom line is I am ready to see my husband. I really am. I am ready to be in his arms again. Im trying to look at the goods in this whole thing. But for some reason it all just fades back to negative. I cant even force myself to smile. I feel very upset. Very. I so do not wanna change my flight and call Expedia. I am nervous now because then I have to change a date thats not even confirmed. What the hell. I mean. It could be worst I know. I just miss him. Thats all. Im tired of dreaming about him. Im ready to be with him.
I dont know how many people read this blog of mine. But, I am going to try and post more fashion on this blog. I need March to end quickly. When it crushes me to know that by tomorrow, its just beginning.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

My Addiction To Kirsten Stewart

I said last week that I have this weird strange attraction to Kirsten Stewart. Not in a gay way. But as an artist I wan to draw her all the time. She strikes me as very plain and not even that much of an attractive girl. Which is the weird part. Or maybe I am digging her because she is banging Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen in the Twilight movie. I have not a clue but her swag is there and I can see it from a mile away. Im feeling her I-dont-give-a-fuck hairstyle. Her hair is so amazing to me now, since she cut it for her roll as Joan Jett which looks amazing. The Runaways comes out In March, I'll be there.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Art: Mrs. Poe and The Swans

Today was a boring art day. So I drew all day long. Looking at Kirsten Stewart pictures...and of course that Alexander McQueen photo that I said I was going to do. Im not done with wither picture. But I made good progress. Usually I get bored of the picture easily. I had John Mayers "In Your Atmosphere" playing back to back all day. Seriously. That song is my life with Greg. The funny part about the whole song is that it has nothing to do with us as a couple. It is actually about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend and he really misses her alot. Totally not what I am going through at all. But the acoustic and his singing reminds me of him. The tunes and the amps remind me of us. The last part of the song even remind me of him when he is humming the rest of the song. I wanna play this song when we finally have sex again, but maybe I shouldn't, because I might get emotional and cry. Only because I found out about this song when he was gone. I fell in love with this song when he was gone. And I daydreamed of us together with this song on. So for it to be playing when we are face to face might but me in another state of mind....
Check of my art....
And by the way, my muse is Kirsten Stewart...dont ask....but she has major swag going on these days...

The Swans
Mrs Poe

Long Live The Queen: R.I.P

Im going to draw this, but I am going to make Alexander McQueen a girl. This picture moves me for some reason.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Welcome To My World: Goodbye Feb!

This is the official last week of February. I can not believe it. So far I have been hanging out with the girls. Im so happy I have them. They keep my head clear. Keep me focused. We played pool this week. Like I said I have been pretty lazy. Thats how I am when I am ready for something. Im watching Monster Ball right now. I love that movie.

I made this Banana pudding by the way. It tasted so good! I can actually cook. Well? Kinda. But I can not wait to make it for Greg when he gets home. *Sigh*
This is proof I have a shopping problem. My room is a big ball of confusion. I have clothes I have clothes I have not even took out the bag. Pretty sad right?

I Think In Pink

I have to admit I have been lazy. I bought the world and have not took any pictures. I have been very lazy with myself lately. Almost like I want to sleep away this month. Just so it can fly by. I woke up this morning at 12:00 or around 1:00 am. I just sat up and said "Fuck." So turned on John Mayer and got to work. Im on a corset fix right now, can you tell.

All from Torrid, of course....
Jeans: 52 dollars...I love these god damn jeans
Shirt: 30 dollars....
Necklace: Hot Topic..

Corset Fetish: Crimson Roses and Copper

This is like the best way to wear a tube top when its cold outside. Buy a t-shirt and wear it under it. I had to get this corset from Torrid. It was like 30 dollars but who gives a shit. I have the only now to do so. I just heard from Greg yesterday. He bought a laptop. Yeah. For like 350 dollars. I so do not wanna see my account right now. So Im gonna wait till monday to look at it. So anyway, heres my look before I left to go to my moms school. When I get to Cali, I might wear it without the teeshirt....I might...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Last Week Of February: I cant even believe it.

Its a Tuesday. Not much has happened for me. But some stuff has. I bought my ticket home on sunday for California. How amazing. It was almost surreal buying it. I just made some awesome hot chocolate that I am about to sip while I write. Its a calm and moody day. All clouds. Something I did miss about Maryland. I loved my erie Edgar Allen Poe days. Clouds everywhere with not a lick of sun. Easy to sleep and easy to relax. When it is sunny outside it makes me feel I need to leave or I am missing out on something. I tried to make an appointment for the dentist this week but it seems like no one takes fucking Tricare. I mean it was already a bitch trying to find a doctor around here that takes it. So I think I might wait till I get home. I know where the Dentist is back at California and I know who takes what. I made a promise to myself, and It might not be happening right away, but I will not forget. I am going to take the time and take care of my teeth. And yes, I have to make promises to myself or else I wont do it. Works for me.
The picture with the Hello Kitty necklace is something I really own. Rose bought it. But it is suppose to signify our friendship. And the fact even if we are apart when I go back home. We still have a piece of each other. Pretty gay, but its very meaningful to us. She is my best friend. I have the guy kitty and she has the girl kitty. Which is only fair...because I own sooo much hello kitty shit, I think she deserves the girl one.
I want those shades by the way....sorry off topic...
So very soon, time is winding down. When I think about it, I feel weird about seeing Greg again. It has been so long. I might not even know what to say. Sometimes I get scared that he will fall out of love with me. Why? Because my mind has nothing better to think about. I miss him. And this is the longest we have ever been apart. 8 months is a long time. Very long time.
I saw Shutter Island by the way. It was good. I actually loved it. I saw the bootleg because no one wanted to see it with me. I also wanted to see The Crazies but no one wants to watch that either. See, this is why I miss Greg, he wants to see everything with me. Even shit we might think is dumb. I miss that. I miss him. Soon we will be together though. It will actually be next to one of the best days of my life. Seeing him after bootcamp was one of the best days of my life, this will be another special day.


Saturday, February 20, 2010

One Month And Some Change...

Saturday. The 20th. Of beautiful February. Im learning very well how to spell these months since Im pretty much counting down. Well, I got my doctor appointment out the way. Getting things that need to be done done. I was suppose to hang out with Rose yesterday but my head went ape shit and my mouth started hurting as well. I actually went to be at 5. Woke up at 2 then drugged myself all over again just to wake up at 8. Now I am craving Waffles and I can get any because everyone and there mom is asleep. Im just up. I should have went out yesterday. I do not know. I do not know how I am feeling. A little pissed off and a little anxious to get the fuck out of Maryland.
I find myself daydreaming of California again. I see the places in my head. I see Pirates Cove, I see interstate 5, I see him. It all seems like a dream. Me living in California with my husband. It seems like it never happened. Maybe because Im here with my family and I am hanging out with Rose again, like I never left. So I guess when I remember California it is almost a little bit of a high. Because I know that It was once a reality. And it feels good, and I catch myself smiling. As for Greg. I feel nervous almost. They guy I have been with for almost 8 years Im scared of seeing him. I feel almost shy. Imagining me going toward him and saying hey even scares me.
Im buying my ticket tomorrow off Expedia. I can not believe that this is it. I will have 1 month till I see him. Wow. Its like the time flew by but yet it didn't. Getting an email from him makes me remember I don't reside here anymore. I find myself reading his emails twice in one day. I can not wait to be with him again. You have no idea. I guess in order to make this month go by fast I should not pay attention to the dates and keep myself busy, but who am I kidding?

If I Had The Money I'd Look Like.....

"Lady Gaga"

Who isn't in love with this chicks fashion? It makes me sick. I wish I could get her stylist and just tell them I need some extra fabric when you make my outfit. Her style is bananas I can't say that enough.

I would wear this whole head gear thing. She makes all her costumes as well. I have this strange fetish for spikes and pyramid studs on leather right now. The more the better.

This is from her video set Telephone with Beyonce.

I want her shades..:(

If I could just own this shirt, I would be fine.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

OUCH: I Dont Feel Great..But I'll Get Better, For Us...

"OUCH" Thats how I feel....... Trust me I am going......

Im in pain. Kind of. I do not feel very well. I need to go to the Dentist right now. Im going tomorrow. My head hurts. My brain hurts. I can't just hide the pain anymore. It hurts. Its not painful but it does not feel right. I am afraid of Dentist, only because everyone says shit. People be like "Omg! When I went to the Dentist they drilled so bad!" WTF! I don't want to deal with that but it looks like I do not have a choice. Like I said, the last thing I want to deal with is a fucked up mouth while trying to make-out with my husband who I have not seen in almost a year. Fuck, I so do not want to do this. But I need to. I heard from Greg. He is very good. I am so proud of him. I miss him. I guess in a way I am doing this for him. Making things good when I see him.
Man I wish I felt better.
A lot happened today.
Things that were funny and things that made me very upset.....

MILF: Men I'd Like To Fuck! :p

I love men. Im married. But I love men. Good looking men. I like to look. my eyes are not broken and neither is his. I am not stupid. Lets be real ladies. Men look at chicks. Chicks look at dicks. End of story. I did something like this before. Like a list about who I think is hot. I have a very unique type...which is everybody according to this list.

1. Lil Wayne
I would marry him. I wouldn't just bang and go. I would have his children and raise his others. His genius is sexy. His swagger is sexy. Im so in love with who he is. People say its because of money; the reason why I like him. Naw..I actually like this guy. Hot. It does not help the fact he does not write his music, he remembers it. What can I say. I have a strange thing for drug addicts..

2. Reggie Bush
He would not date me. Im black. Im dark skinned. My hair is in dreads. And my last name is not Kardashian. Do I care? No! He is sexy and hot. That body is crazy! I don't dread at the fact he does not date black women who gives a fuck. Not me. I would do him. He is amazing. I did a video of him and his Essence cover. Apparently black chicks were mad he was on there, because of him denying black chicks on his little black book. But I personally think black chicks need to go out and date other races and they might be surprized....personally..

3. Kellan Lutz
I am a Twilight whore, and this look does not help! He plays one of the brothers on the movie...I think I said enough...

4.) Nick Jonas (rape...)
Hes hot. Next...

5.) Robert Pattinson
Twilight whoring again.

6. Benicio Del Toro
He was in wolfman and I was interested in him...:)

7.) Taylor Lautner
Hes offically 18 :)