Sunday, January 31, 2010

Its February: Tragic Kingdom

I made it. I can not believe today is actually February 1st. I can not even believe it. Time flies right. Wow. Where do I even begin. Well. It snowed yesterday. It was like this huge snow shit all over the place. This weekend was actually horrible for me. I mean horrible. I was laced with envy this whole time. And also that lovely heroin that runs through my brain called Jealousy. I hate that word. Because it is so blunt. And it means that you are very insecure and fragile. But I was full with it this weekend. Couples make me sick. Yeah, I know...I am married, why should couples make me sick. Maybe because I have not even had a decent hug or kiss from my husband in almost a year it seems. It is a horrible way to be. I would be lying if I did not feel that way. Then on Sunday I had this huge anxiety attack. I was crying, emotionally going crazy, I also took sleeping pills to help myself stop from being a hot mess. Rose stopped by and I could tell from her visit she was worried about me I guess. It was unannounced which is so not her, yet I was so happy to see her. Very happy to see her.
Now I am up at 3:00 am. I am happy it is finally February. I have 2 months left till I am gone. I wanna leave so bad. Well, I wanna be with him so bad. I was hoping this blog would not turn into a huge diary. But in a away it is, and its my life. I guess blogs are like that.
So Blogger fucked up all the videos on my page. Which I am honestly pissed off about. Because now I have to go through Youtube to put anything on. Which is so sucky. And dumb! But whatever. Youtube is so open. I feel uploading your video on Blogger was more personal. Does not matter anyway. I hope they change it though. I want a Big Gulp right now...
So anyway, Ima end it here. Im cold and want to fall back asleep. Its February. And that means this tragic kingdom is about to fall. And soon I'll be happier, again.
"Isnt Kelly Osbourne the shit?!"

Switching To Youtube: Not Because I Wanna

Blogger is being a dick with my videos. So Im gonna have to switch to youtube which I so did not wanna do. WTF! Oh well, I guess this happened for a reason. If you already watched this then fuck it, if you have not...check it out loverz!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

On A Lawn Chair, Waiting For An Eclipse

Blogger is pissing me off. For some reason videos are just not working at all right now. It says please try again later. Its not just me though, other people are having the same problem. I hope this freaking changes. Because videos are the best way to get my feelings out, plus I wanna be ble to look back at my time here in Maryland. Good thing I never deleted all my videos. But It would be nice to watch them when I want too. What the fuck Blogger?! Fix that shit!

Anyway Its the last day of January.

Actually, right now. Even at 2:43 this morning. I feel Im in a good place. Im a place where I am safe. A place I do not care much. I feel like Im just on lawn chair, waiting for an eclipse. Calm and waiting. Not pacing and not excited. Just waiting calm in my chair.
Thinking. Deciding. Waiting.

Im in a strange place. But a good one.

I have two months left. Till Im back in California. With the one person who makes me happy. No one makes me really happy but him. I worry. I worry alot. I worry about wild thing. I hope for wild thing. This is what I mean about being in a strange place. I don't understand myself right now. Maybe I am nit suppose too.
Im watch Halloween H20 and it is so fake and lame was this movie....

Sorry...getting side tracked.

Im in a weird place. But something I realized today...was this.......

"I dont make deadlines in my life, i never planned marriage, having kids, or even leaving maryland, i only make deadlines for bullshit that needs to stop." Tia

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Laying In Bed With A Mad Hatter

Im mad. Im going mad. Actually. I do not know how I feel. I have mixed emotions right now. Have you ever felt like you did not belong somewhere? Thats where I am. I feel like I do not belong. Or that I am alone. One of those thing where your alone in a crowded room type thing. I feel empty but not empty. It may be that I am missing my husband. I am getting no affection. No hugs. No kisses. No anything. I have to sit back and watch my friends get it. I know. I know. I am married and all that junk and should be happy I even have someone; which I am. But watching everyone hold hands and become couples while I sit here waiting on a email is very annoying. I hate it. It puts me in a fowl mood. Im trying to stay positive. I just have to tell myself that in 2 1/2 months I will be home with my husband...again. No more this horrible feeling of emptiness. Im closer then I ever been in my life. Before I had months in front of me. Now I only have two, which will fly by. I just need to stay positive. February is short. March is long. But then it will be just one month left. Then Im on a plane to Cali. On a plane to happiness.
" "Whatever your religion. Pray for me you guys..."

To Greg: With Love...

I want to tell my husband congrads for making Corporal. He has waited so long to pick up rank and he finally did it. I am so proud of you baby! I love you so much. Get money. :)
Love Tia
"New hair-do, $45. New dress, $65. Pedicure and manicure, $50. Watching my heart walk off that ship, priceless......."

Feathers and Pleathers

Im wearing a dress. Who saw this coming. Not me. This dress is actually from this store in California called Papaya. It is a plus size store. I love it! I use to go there all the time back home in California. It is located in San Diego, Fashion Valley Mall. But I had the dress for a while and its very close fitting. The neckless was actually attached to this shirt from Torrid. I just took it off and put it on. Looks great with it. Plus, Im am trying to fall in love with my body. From the pictures I don't look that bad.

Dress: Papaya
Boots: Torrid
Blazer: Torrid
Neckless: Torrid

Fuck Mac! Cheap Shit Is Back!

So Im getting into fake eyelashes these days. I always put one on right and the other on wrong. Im still trying to get use to it. It is kinda difficult for me. But I bought some to keep trying. Do not laugh to hard at the lashes please! Lol! So any way, I went to this huge ass beauty mart in Oxon Hill Maryland. They had these really bright shadows called L.A. Colors. They were only like 1.99 each. So I like bought a billion of them. Great color! I must admit, I hate the texture of the makeup. Its way to powdery. Macs eyeshadow has a more silky feel to it, less powdery more thicker and smooth. But this bitch here is not rich. But I have been using it for fun colors and so far its working out wonderful.

Check out my sink in my bathroom. Its a mess. I am a junky girl. I don't care but I need to while I am staying with my family.

I got the color idea from the Bedrock video with Nicki Minaj. She is a rapper for those who do not know and her style is killing. I would say that if I was into rap music like all my friends, she would be my favorite. She is like the black Lady Gaga in hiphop. Nuff said.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

January Is Ending: So Long Issues I Don't Wanna Deal With!!!

Okay, I so have been slacking off just a little with my fashion post. But I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day. Im trying to get a OBGYN appointment but because Im military it os very difficult. I mean, no one really accepts my military insurence around here...sorry I spelt insurence wrong...fuck it. But no one takes Tricare! I would go on base but I can't because I got the kinda health care that I have to go off-base. What a hassel! All I ant is my fucking birth control! I was about to say screw it and just not take them anymore, but for have a baby? way, not now. I like my freedom, married or not. Oh what the fuck. But apparently I found someone who takes it, we will see. It is liable to fuck up. I really need birth control though.....I mean Im seeing my husband after 8 months of being apart in about 2 months.....I NEED Birth Control!!!!!!!

Any who, life here is going slow but good. I guess I could say it is going fast. I guess it is. After this week it will be February. Then March, then April I will be leaving.....*sigh*

Away from semi-bullshit....into the arms of love, sex and black magic....

So I gonna try and make this time go fast by not worring about other peoples problems....because in 2 1/2 months it will not be my issue.
I will have my own....
I can not wait....
Lets Go!!!!!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Slow Silence: A Turtle Named January.....

It is Saturday, the last day that my parents are out of town. Time moves super slow. I want to fall asleep but it is not working. My remote is not working. My teeth are not working. My patience is not working. I have not heard from Greg at all. Not even a little bit. But from what he said last time was that they would be going back on ship again soon. So if anything him and the other Marines should be packing up getting ready to head back. He goes to Thailand and Hong Kong next. I hope he is being good. But I guess I will truly never know. Im in a odd place right now. I am happy yet not happy. Im in the middle of everything. I feel calm yet not calm. Im not lonely yet. If anything I am waiting for dumb ass January to be over! February will fly. I know it! Because of all the things planned!

By the way,one of my friends as crazy as a bat! If I can even call her a friend...I guess.......

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Bush And The Lucky Fake Tush

My Top 10 Chunky Funky Famous Chicks

Ten all the way down to number one. Here is my all time favorite people that let me know that being my size is okay and not that bad. Even though shopping is a challenge here and there and people will never truly see you as "pretty" considering Americas standards. Trust me, my mom lets me know that all the time. But these chicks are my favorite. And no, I did not include Beth Ditto because for one, its expected, and two, I only found out about her because I found all these Fat Acceptance blogs. So me reaping her would be fake, because I just found out about her.

10.) America Ferrera

America was in one for the best movies ever called "Real Women Have Curves". She was amazing in it, and I think all women should see that movie. I really would not consider her plus size these days because she actually lost a lot of weight. But she is still a great woman who is my age who I look up to. Beautiful latina girl.

9.) Raven Symone

I love the fact that Raven Symone is a plus sized girl! I love that! Her boobs are like cannons and I think people expected her to be skinny and to fall into hollywood standards. I love her!

8.) Meghan McCain

Yeah, she is a republican. And she is John McCains daughter. And yes, I voted for Obama. But I like the fact she is comfy in her own skin. Our views are totally different I am sure. But Im sure we have the same views on body image. People in magazines called her fat and made jokes but she never lets it bother her. I first saw her on The View and noticed that she was very confident and poised. I like her a lot, plus her boobs are sick!

7.) Mia Tyler

To be honest. She would have been my number one because she has spunk and she doesn't take shit. But she kinda hideS from the lime light a lot. So I do not know too much about Mia. I think she is very sexy though. She would be someone on my gay list. Chicks I'd like to F$%&*! Her face is so pretty to me as a plus size Angelina Jolie

6.) Toccara Jones

She is from Americas Next Top Model. She actually lost a lot of weight. She was very confident on the show and was all about herself. I love cocky big girls, because you can not tell them they ain't cute. And she is one of them. My husband Greg think she is Gods gift to the world, he literally drouls over her, can not blame him.

5.) Jennifer Hudson

Now we are in the top five. Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls blew me away. I always cry on the part where she is singing to Jamie Foxx not to leave her. If you been in love, you understand. She played the hell outta Effie. I love Jennifer alot! She thick, happily married and is having babies.....she is right where I would like to be.

4.) Pinky The Pornstar

I watch porn. And I have to say that Pinky is awesome. Not because she does porn but she puts a lot of smaller women to shame and she is cool with being a big girl. Sometimes watching thick chicks have sex makes you even more comfortable with yourself. Believe it or not. Lol! I love Pinky! Big fan! You guys should check her website.

3.) Marilyn Monroe

I think it is funny that alot of very small women and even friends of mine idolize her. Not knowing that she was a size 14. I knew a friend of a friend who was very tiny and she said she thought big girls were gross, but yet she idolized Marilyn Monroe...who was a plus size...what a dumby. But anyway, I think it is awesome that one of the most sexiest women in the world was sized.

2.) Gabby Sidibae

My number two. She has so much confidence that it puts most girls to shame. And I do not know how she does it. I know she gets told many evil things because of her size. But you can honestly tell she doesn't care. You can tell that Gabby thinks she is the shit, which is so fucking awesome. I'd pay to see life the way she does.

1.) Kelly Osbourne

Kelly is my number one favorite plus sized girl. I have been a Kelly Osbourne fan since high school. She is thick in a lot of places and she seems to loose weight and gain it back a lot. But her fashion is so punk. She always looks glam to me. She does no wrong in my eyes. Loves her! Plus I got all her cd's....

The Librarian: Floral and Purple

This has to be my most favorite look that I bought. I wanna say that I bought these super stretch jeans from Torrid. I have been wearing them a lot lately. I actually bought two of the same jeans, one is bell bottoms and the other is straight leg. Or as we say skinny jeans. The stretch so good! They slide on like butter. This whole outfit was fro Torrid. This is more of a spring look then right now. The cardigan was originally 44 dollars. Yeah! And I did not buy it then, but of course it came on clearance for 24 dollars. Then, 75% of clearance came. So basically I paid like 15 or 12 for the purple cardigan. Im so in love with this look! I wish it was warmer out, I would do wear this out.
My parents left today to go to South Carolina, I wanted to go but, then again no I wouldn't. They are going to a funeral. My uncle died. I did not know him that much. I knew him more when I was little. He was my favorite uncle. He was an alcoholic. I see it runs in my family. He drank all the time. He was so drunk one night with one of my other uncles, and they got into a huge fight and my uncle ripped my other uncles eye out. No joke! So...yeah...drama....
Im listening to my New Moon soundtrack.
Hope ya'll like the new pieces to my ever growing wardrobe...

All from Torrid; except the shoes....those are from Target.......

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

We Were By The Sea: By Me

I just woke up and it is nine p.m. here. I went to bed at seven. I am guessing the sleeping pills did not work. I hate dreaming. Especially when it is about things you can not have...

Clouds were wet with damp eyes
And so was the soft wooden boardwalk filled with sand and tears
The world cried last night while we were sleep.

We walked barefoot onto the rocky sand
Filled with opal rocks shining with our reflections...

Me not seeing you next to me in the rocks lets me know..
this is only a dream...

A dream that I would make last, on this beach....
We laughed so hard that night, we were by the ocean....

And in that time I told you, I love you...
As we watched the sun go down...
Turning into a raw peach just sliced...
We stood there for love
You stood there for me....
I stood there to remember......
This is were I want to be

Hand in hand with you
Light as a feather......

and free.

By, Tia

Splash Of Pink And A Ton Of Black Ink

Maybe I have been watching too much Lady Gaga videos. Because I am obsessed with bows! I found a scarf on sale at Hot Topic, I must admit I thought it would cost more. But I only paid 7 dollars for it. Im so in love with it. It is kinda dumb that I bought it, because when I take it back to Cali, I will never wear that fucking scarf again. But I had to get it, you can not beat 7 dollars for that scarf. I also bought the Hello Kitty pins for about 1.99 each. That shit adds up, but I like the nerd hello kitty, it reminds me of me. I have dark rimmed glasses and so does she, pretty cool! This look is very harajuku to me...only because its alot of accesories in this look. I loves it.
Im falling hard for pink, watch out purple....

Blazer: Torrid
Scarf: Hot Topic
Buttons: Hot Topic
Hat: The Icing
Earrings: Up Against The Wall