Saturday, February 6, 2010

Epiphany: Sickness and Health, But Death Will Not Be Apart

I just deleted everything I wrote. Everything. I will explain. I am caught in a snow storm right now. About 20 inches of snow. My mothers friend...Mrs Francis, came to stay with us in the winter storm. She lives deep in Baltimore Maryland. She has no t.v so she decided to stay with my mom for company. She is 29 years old. Beautiful lady, curves for days and confidence for miles. Tonight, we talked about my mom. We were up together from 12:00 am till 5:00 which is now. We talked about my mom the whole time. Her ways, how shes never wrong, what you can say and not say. I told her about the things I had to go through with her. I opened up to her and spilled my guts on the table with her. And today, is the day, where I realize....that I need to have an intervention with my mother. I have to sit down and talk to her. You know, this whole time I felt like I hated her. Or hated who she is....but I think I hate what she does and how she can be. I do not hate her. But talking to Mrs Francis, let me know that I give to much of a shit what she thinks. I need to stop. I am a grown woman. Sober woman. And her opinion can not drag me down any longer. She told me I need to see thing the way they truly are. And this is my mothers friend, and even her friend is preparing for the worst. And thats not happening on my watch. I thought I hated her. But I dont. I love her so much that I cant understand why she can be so petty at times. I have said some hateful things about her and I would be lying if I said I did not honestly feel that way at times. But I will help her. I think me and her was suppose to talk for a reason. Because now I realize how serious my moms situation is. And I also realize I need to be a grown woman and say FUCK what people think, even if its my own flesh and blood doing the judging.
I drew this amazing drawing on friday. I am still working on it. So far it came out amazing. This is by far my favorite picture I ever done. I got the theme from the CD Jack Off Jill, and just put elements of my life in the picture. I have dark thoughts sometimes and this pictures shows the negative thoughts I have. My favorite part of the drawing is the girl in the middle who is suppose to represent me. The seashell in the halo represents home. Home in Oceanside California. Me looking forward to being with my new family again. This is a drawing of rebirth and reflection. Pretty nice huh??
My next drawing I think will be for my mom. Or about my mom. That one will be next. But first I gotta paint this one.

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