Saturday, June 12, 2010

Dear Diary: The Rebirth Starts Now

Question. Have you ever woke up one morning realizing that everything is fake. A Gimmick. Something not totally real. Have you ever realized the world is going forward and your just standing still? The trees are growing, the waves in the ocean keep crashing, and the birds are still flying anywhere they please, while your just standing by yourself. I am kind of a deep thinker. I kind of feel like that person in the movies that narrates her life while the movie plays on. Im am a single heartbeat. I feel I need to drop things that I am holding desperately onto. I look around and I see all the thing I do not want to do. But now, I feel like I have too. I feel like I need to move on. Not from Greg. Not from school or people. I just need a push to move on with my own life. I look about myself and see have totally different plans then anyone I know. I have a total different outlook on religion, people, females, me and all the subjects people talk about. I feel like I am holding on to something that already gone and its not allowing me to be me and become the person I always wanted to be. While people in my life differ from me, I am still sitting on a swing waiting or them...waiting for an answer.

Bottom line is, I am going to leave certain things behind me. Even the things I love. Like moving to another house. Sunday I feel will be my rebirth. I am tired of being this simple, emotional wreck, I rather embrace it and become something stronger. I want a certain type of strength that I never had before. I want to stop being afraid of life, being a wife, ..even kids. I want to embrace being the new me, and cut off my old self. Just be stronger and be my own shadow...not a guilt ridden woman.

I moved thousands of miles away physically and I live in Maryland mentally....
Its time to cut ties.

I just want to be stronger. And I will
I find this to be a rebirth.

I drew a tattoo for a friend a long time ago, of a phoenix..rising...
If she only knew how i am going to live by that tattoo I drew..
Im done. Out with the with the new....

1 comment:

  1. Story of where I am in my life right now.

    well written! :D