Leaving Las Vegas: Protecting & Expecting..

Disappointed.

I had a planned trip with Rose and now I have to cancel it. Not only that, but I lost a chunk of money in the process. Can we get a refund? No. I am going to call anyway to see if we can, but I remember seeing a nice little small printed sign that said no. The only smart thing was that money was from our taxes, so its not kicking our ass. But lets be honest. No one wants to lose any typw of money over hundred dollars. Greg's job required him to be where they want him to be at all times. This has happened before. To be honest I had a strong feeling this would happen. I found myself trying to get the very best price for Vegas without crossing the 500 dollar range for that trip. Was it because I was being cheap. Naw, it was because I felt if shit does fall apart, it will suck, but not AS bad. And so we did it, we found a trip very very cheap. And of course, it gets canceled.

It was not necessarily not going to Vegas that saddens me. It was the fact I wanted to hang out with my bestie and do things. What people do not know is, its not really WHERE you go. Its the company you keep. You can go to Paris and France if you want, but the company is the icing on the cake. I wanted to hang with her, I really did. Now that I can't, it really sucks. Add that with the money, Im in a pit of sadness. I try and perk up and tell myself "its not that bad", but come on...

Lets be real..

I was drawing so much more, and then when I saw Greg's text about us not being able to go. My pencil fell down. I could not draw right then. What a bummer. After a day or two when this settles, I'll be back on the grind. But it has to download in my head that, being sad and upset is not going to change anything.

The Bright Side Of The Situation:

What bright side? I mean, I was thinking that maybe because of this bummer, something better is coming my way. For both me and Rose. Rose has hopes for other things as do I. Maybe Vegas seems important but is not that important at all. Maybe we can't see the bigger great in whats coming because all we can see is the failure. Or maybe I should say I...

The trip was suppose to be a couples outing. So, maybe this was meant to happen because, Greg and I both been everywhere together... to have vegas under our belts would be just a bonus.

Maybe this is the time for Rose and her "significant other" to bond one on one.. without "married coupled" people tagging along...

*crickets*

Hey man, Im looking for positives...

Im trying..

Im not hurting int he bank. Thats a plus. It was not all out tax money and we are still sitting pretty. It could have came out our actual paycheck. I can make good of the money, but I can't find a reason to make myself feel better about not seeing Rose.

Bottom line is, I have to understand that I got married too someone in the military and moved out of my home. I knew from signing that dotted line that our friendship would be tested with distance and I would not see her every weekend anymore. I thought "Wow, I do not know if i'll see her again, maybe we will grow apart?" Little did I know, it brought us closer, closer to the point where we talk everyday, still. As if I never left Maryland's grounds. But, I feel I still look at our friendship as "down the street" when I should not. I have to realize that I live in California. And she lives in Maryland.

Theres no one like your bestie :)

Im trying to be peaceful. Im still bothered by it. Im gonna mediate on it. Relax and light candles. Hey, it works for me. Try and stay positive and be happy that its not worst than it can be. Gah, I keep thinking about the money. I know its gone (here I go being negative). But Its hard not to be. Its hard not to be mad. But it sucks because there is no point. At least it was not that much. I gotta keep telling myself that. We got the cheapest package ever...

*rolls eyes & rubs face*

Look..

Bottom line.

Things happen for a reason.

Im not sure what this reason is? But It happened.

Im gonna try my best and stay positive and happy. Bigger things are happening for both me and Rose. Life is still spinning. Life does not stop, it keeps going. I should be happy. Im going to draw, and get my mind right. Stay strong, and realize shit happens. Thats life. There is so much more going on that is bigger than me...

:)

and by the way, Im pregnant.

goodnight.