New Years Alone but Stoned...

So Im home. It is New Years eve and it doesn't really bother me that I am going to be alone this year. Well, this New Year. I have my family, I have my friends, but of course I am missing my one and only. Its hard. But today I had a stroke of happiness. I was in the back seat of my dads car while we all as a family drove to Borders. I was smiling to myself. Listening to music. I was happy. Maybe I am finding happiness here without being happy. I do not know. But I was happy for a minute and It was worth it.

So I am home now. my mom is watching how I eat alot. I told her I was on this massive diet. I feel horrible for lying to her. But I can tell it makes her happy. It is one of those thing when you see a friend in a hospital and they look horrible...but you tell them they look amazing. It is to help them, or hell, help yourself. Whatever gets you by. I am thinking about Greg a lot. What he is doing. How he is doing. What he is gonna do for New Years. I think about how me and him would just buy some cider and just watch t.v. I think about that. It makes me a bit sad but. Soon today will be over, and the only hump I will have next is Valentines Day.

And here I am. It is the last month of December. Tommorow will be January 1st 2010. April here I come. I belive April 18th is going to be one of the most happiest days of my life. When I am with him again.

B.F.F. Room: Hawt Shoez Galore

To be honest I don't know why this broad hates taking pictures, or doesn't even have a damn blog. Rose has shoes galore. She could have a year supply of post with just one side of her room full with shoes. For those who don't know I stayed with Rose this whole week, to get a break from my mother. I just got home. She is doing New Years with her ex boyfriend I think, so Im on my own this year. Do I feel sad, yeah I do, this will be the first year without Greg doing new years. It sucks, but I do have my dad, and I guess my mom.

So back to the main idea, Rose has a tone of shoes and this selection is the only shoes I could get a hold of. You know, just because you don'y have a lot of money does not mean people do not have nice things.

Heres a picture of her Ed Hardy Shoes, theses are slamming

Now here we have her Pastry shoes, Im in love with purple, so theses are sweet...

Now these I got for her birthday. BCBG shoes....these are hella rad...


I think these are Guess....nice pumps for sex....
These are wedges, they look like the guess but there actually different

Rose wears a size seven.

Life With Rose: 2010 around the corner...

Im still with my best friend, its been like 2 days of being away from stupid home. It is so nice not being there yet I miss them at the same time. Rose and I have been friends since we were both 11 years old. We are a great team. She helps me out, I help her out. The only suck part is I cant really show my new clothes hence Im not at my house. But I need this break I swear. See, my mothers a school teacher and the whole school district is off for two weeks. So that means two weeks off with my mom. Oh hell no. We get along better these days but shes still a headache at times. Her dream in life is for me to lose weight. I feel bad that it is not my journey and I would like to stay the size I am, or then again, I just do not want to work for it.

So, I see that now I have 3 months till I see my husband again! I can not wait. Im going through weird spells of crying and stuff. But that is normal. Right now I am doing fine.

Well, now to fat acceptance.

That is my goal for the new year. To love and accept my body. Usually my resolution would be to lose weight but who am I kidding. I can honestly say I think I love food too much. I'm from South Carolina. Eating is in my blood. And life seems so bad when you have to order a god damn salad all the time. I just can not see my self doing that at all. But you wanna know what ruined everything for me. Torrid. Because of Torrid I can wear cute clothes and still be myself. My mom thinks that store is a abomination. She hates it. This is what makes my fat acceptance blog so different then others, because I am a plus sized bitch and my mom is a personal trainer...what are the odds. What a pair right?

So here is my top 3 things that are good about being my size. Its healthy to do lists.

1. Well. for one, Torrid and other fashionable clothes for big women. That helps. And plus when I go in Torrid I do not have to try anything on. Everything fits.

2. I like black men, and lets be honest, black dudes like a big ass. But do not get y wrong, Robert Pattinson could get it.

3. Im never cold, Im guesing because of all my meat.

Update: Im A Free Bitch Baby

Im not home.

As you can tell it is tuesday and I been out my house since monday. Only because I wanted to get away from my parents. Well, my mom. Love her to bed but she gets on my nerves too much and it makes me wanna die. So Im over Roses house and I am staying for a week. I actually got some new threds but I cant show them until I am home. My camera is m.i.a.

I might do a segment on Roses room. Because her room is a fucking closet I swear..

So I might raper her closet and use that.

I've been dealing with alot of strange emotional things. Not sad things, but confusion.

But when I was talkking to my mom about it she declared I was a "free bitch", and I liked that. Im a free bitch baby. Just like from the some Bad Romance, by Lady Gaga....

Im on some other shit I know...

But hearing that makes me feel a lot better.

Top best things about staying with Rose:

1.) I can eat what I want without hiding it.

2.) I can leave my room a mess. (Roses room could look like hurricane katrina...it doesnt matter)

3.) My best friend lives here...I mean, c'mon..

4.) She has Stars and On Demand...cant get bored.

5.) Her parents are so chill and cool, there like hippies...and I love that!

Tacky And Happy: New Betsey J Bag

Here is my addition to my Betsey J collection. It looks pretty tacky but I really don't care. My Mom called dumb for buying it. Oh well, I think it looks smashing. I also got a computer case by Betsey as well...how amazing are the colors...Im sold

Home Is a Feeling I Buried In You

Me and my beloved macbook pro. Ahh, I love her to death. The reason why I type and do blogs. So anyway, after today it is christmas. Am I excited, sure.

But yes, emotionally I am having a hard time. Very hard time. Im am crying all the time and I have not really sat down and cried about anything in a long while. I cried all day. You would have thought I was on birth-control all over again. I hate everyone and I feel like I want people to help me jump off a cliff. People would say it is the holidays that has you sad and in a state of depression. But Greg and I where never a big holiday type couple. I just think I wanna go home, with him.

Im ready now. But its only December, I have a little ways to go. Then Im with him again.

All him.

I've been acting strange all day since yesterday. I layed on the floor and cried while listening to the most depressing soundtrack New Moon. I am not the only one. Greg sent me a email about how all of a sudden hes getting more sadder and sadder cause we can not be together. So Im guessing its not just me. He is feeling it as well.

But I hear this is natural.

So back to what this blog is actually about. I went to the store New York and Company and found two great shirts there which is displayed on the bottom. The whole store was 50 % off everything. And to my suprize they had extra large. I think I have been twisted to make me think i can only shop at Lane Byrnt and Torrid. But the shirts ft wonderfully!

By the way, Im trying to finish the book called The help which I hope everyone gets a chance to read.......next I will try to read The Lovely Bones.

Heres the shirt from NY&CO...pretty cute right...
Here the other one...... both were 12 dollars...

Unraveled and Apart

I broke down and cried today.

And Im to sure as of why? I know what triggered it, but I can't seem to find why I am falling apart...

I miss greg alot.....maybe cause its the holiday season....

Or maybe I just wanna go home....

I wish I knew...

I going to try and mediate....

Im falling apart

Let It Snow....!!!!!!!!

Rose P: Chunky & Funky Fashionista of the Week

What a week. I did Christmas shopping on tuesday and had to at least drop 200 dollars. At least Im done and all my peoples are good. Im done. No more gift buying. I heard from my husband yesterday, which was nice. He is still on ship which means we are saving money, I swear he spends money like a rich person. My parents are going to South Carolina next week for christmas, I wanna go, but then again I think its better, because then my mom will be gone for most of her christmas break, aka no hovering over me.

So anyway, Rose, my bff, looked very stylish the other day so I thought I'd use her outfit for this weeks fashion. She was getting off of work. I love her coat. Rose is an ebay queen. All her wardrobe is ordered from there. Doesn't she look like the little boy Damien from the omen? Lol!

Coat: Delila Ebay

Pants: Old Navy

Shoes: Nine West

Shirt: Ebay

"I’ve been skinny; it’s fucking boring.” -Kate Winslet

Im going to be honest. I have a crush on Kate Winslet. She looks sexy and she looks like a next door neighbor at the same time. She is not considered a big girl, well not to me, but in hollywood she is considered "fat". I think her body looks amazing as is. She wears a size 10 in jeans, I guess most consider that plus size. Here are some quotes about being thick from the actress.
"I’d much rather be known as some curvy Kate than as some skinny stick.”

“My body does not dominate my thoughts. Ninety-five percent of my day is not spent thinking about doing ab crunches!”

When I was 18 and 19 and 20, I would weigh myself and write it down in my diary. I’m not that person now. I have that feeling of not caring. I’m just happy being me.”

“At 19, I went from pillar to post about my body and spent at least 95 percent of my head-space every day thinking about what I bloody looked like.”

“I accept the fact that I have a round face. Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, ‘Oh, why don’t I just have a little bit more sucking in going on?’ But if my cheekbones don’t become more prominent with age, they don’t. Hey ho! There’s more to life than cheekbone

Scratching It Up Wit BrIT

My weekend was almost dark, but friday night had some light.

The Truth Hurts: A Blog Post Turned Poem

One thing I did not want this blog to be was a diary.

But I like to remember the certain days when thing occur to me.

When I was growing up, my parents meant the world to me. They were older. They knew more then I did. They taught me a way of life. I would listen to my dad speak and be admired by what he said. I would watch my mom be strong towards men. I saw a woman being powerful and running the house, while my father cooked and sometimes cleaned. I had these super parents. Who I looked up too. Role models. Strong people. Amazing people. Who provided me with everything, down to how I act in public. I took rules from them. I followed there directions. I became what they created. I was grass and they were the mountains I looked up too, what I wanted to be. Mature, an adult, a stand up person. As a child, that is what I saw. These god-like parents that I would one day be.

Only to find out...there human.

They breathe

They shit.

They fuck up things

There addicts

There dumb and can sometimes be stupid.

You wake up and realize that they are no better then you.

You get older and you see things going on in your house you didn't see before...

Bottom line is...

You tell to lose weight, you tell me to be smaller, you tell me I will gain more confidence, you tell me men like smaller women, you told me that you don't know what my husband see in my body, sober or not, it came from your mouth, you tell me that being smaller will get you by in life and no one will hire a fat woman........When.......YOU......

should look out of my window and into your mirror and tell yourself

lose the bottle, try and drink smaller amounts, you will gain more sanity, men like sober women, I don't see what he sees in you when your drunk all the time, pissed or not, this is coming from my mouth, not drinking so much will make you happier in life and no one will want a drunk alcoholic around....

Watching you fall over....

.............

seeing you hold on to the walls

......................

makes me angry....mainly ashamed..

that you point the finger

in the words of paramore, before you point the finger I might have to bend it back or break it break it off.....next time you point the finger...ill point you to the mirror...

If I love food

You love boose...

Lets call it even.

The Acceptance: The Power To Love Thy Body

"Glitter on the west streets ....Silver over everything
The rivers all wet .....Youre all chrome" -Yeah Yeah Yeahs

So I read this fat acceptance blog and a woman was talking about how her parents can not stand the fact that she is fat. It of course reminded me of myself. Im kind of confused in a way. One day I love my curves and my body, and other days I feel like I need to go on a massive diet. But I feel that I have to be realistic with myself. My mom asked me what do I want more of, clothes or food. I love them both equally but I would chose food. I really like eating what I want. and I think that makes my mim very uneasy.

A part of me things I am a emotional eater. But I lived all my life with a personal trainer (my mom) so I see what she had to go through to stay thin. My mom always watched what she ate and made sure she went to the gym 3 times a week. She would never order a steak, only salad. I cant live like that..because its not me.
Im getting sleepy, its two in the morning. I feel like I have so much to say. I watching this depressing movie. Life is great.

Anyway, another thing that helps with fat acceptance is Torrid. Or any other fashionable plus size stores. My mom hates that store of course. She says because it that means people settle to be fat. Maybe she right?

Right now, just for myself, I am going to write 3 things I actually love about my body..which will be hard because I want certain things to change. I have more bad then good. But tonight I will try. Here it goes. Three things I like bout my body.

1.) Calves

I have he best calves. i dont even work out but it makes my left look very sexy, at least to me..

2.) Breast

I do have great breast, I have the perfect set up.

3.Face

Im not sure if I can count this one, but I think I have a nice face.

Cool, Im done. Bout to catch some zzzs.....

I guess What They Say Is True...Purses Is A Love That I Cant Undo...

THE BAGS I LOVE & WILL NEVER HAVE....

I have a big time love for bags. I would do a whole post on all my bags, but of course, all my bags are in California. So I have no access to them as of now. But I own alot. And I mean "alot".
So here are purses that are over 1,000 dollars that I wouldn't even be able to hold. Would I pay a thousand on a bag? Hell no. But if I was rich, I would. Most of these are Coach, Jimmy Choo, or even Prada...I think? But my taste in bags are different. Usually if it doesn't stand out, I don't want it....

Check out the bags that would do me in for good....

1.) Coach Tote Bag

How cool is this, I would actually pay for this one, because this bag is only 300 dollars. I love it and its huge in person.

2.) Coach Bag Hobo style

I normally think Coach is bland and boring. Until I went to there website. I don't like the normal bland ass boring Coach, but this bag is pretty fierce, this is 600 and up.
3.) Coach Plaid Bag

Okay, this bag is kinda blaa on its own. But I love plaid bags, anything that looks like I need a bagpipe for the day, Im all for it. I own a few plaid bags.
4.) Coach Leatherwear Bag

I like this because it says Coach and you can where this with everything! I know it looks like Im a Coach fanatic but I swear Im not....If it wasn't for the website...I would't care.
5.) I dont know what this is???

BUT ITS FUCKIN HAWT. Its very plain for my taste. But there is a certain sophisticated type look to it. Now this bag is exactly 1200 dollars, no bullshit. I saw this on Karlas Closet. It might be a Coach.
6.) Betsey Johnson Bag

I actually own 2 betsey bags. She has to be my favorite bag designer. I love it! She is around my price range as well. Her bags always stand out.
7.) Jimmy Choo Bag

Feathers....I love it. Im sold just because its Jimmy Choo...honestly....
8.) Jimmy Choo Rebel Bag

Out of all the bags, this is my favorite. Its wacky, its crazy and its over a thousand dollars. In my dreams!
One thing I love about bags/purses/clutches, is that no matter what size you are...it fits. :)