Friday, August 13, 2010

Dear Diary 2: Too Much Floating

I paid for my classes today.

I am taking an art class for sanity.

Mainly to keep my skills up.

I walked through the campus. Heading toward the Cashier.

A girl, tanned, huge Chloe shades, blonde hair, size two, walks past me...

Short mini skirt, pink shirt...looking down at her schedule.

I looked away. Looked down at the ground. I looked back up and saw two guys walk by me.

Both were, tanned of course, moused hair, dark shades from Pac Sun... obviously...

I looked away again.

Another girl, brunette. Tanned. Beautiful. Huge Juicy Couture bag..
Where the fuck am I?

The Hills?

I am.

Im scared I won't fit in. I am afraid of people. The thought gives me anxiety. Why? What is my god damn deal? Its like kindergarden all over again. I use to be frightened of people when I was younger. I feel it all returned. Maybe because I am going to finally be a minority, instead of in a majority. I grew up in the Maryland/DC area. Mostly black. Weird. I feel people are not going to like me. Im super nervous.

Im scared of life. Im scared of you. Life.

I worry all the time.
Greg says stop.
Its not that easy.

Greg floats through issues. Could give a shit about people.
He says I see the good in people.
He is right.

He is my stress bag.
He lets me vent.
If he was gone...

I would fall into pieces.


This picture of us reminds me of how strong he is. He holds me up when I am broken. I am always broken. Im always over thinking.

Had to vent. Sorry people. Im going through a lot of thoughts. I want sushi.

Usually I comment on every picture I post. But today is such a fuck up.
Too much floating in my head.


  1. You can do this! Don't worry about them cause they aren't worried about you.
    It's okay to be afraid as long as you aren't letting it stand in your way.

    besides I'll tell you a secret. Some white people who get tanned secretly want to be Brown...

  2. You'll live... Stop crying. Keep fighting.