What. A. Weekend. You couldn’t imagine. I mean, totally crazy. My life is changing so fast and Im not sure if its a good thing or bad. I wake up in panic. I know the reason why. its be not knowing the future. Do you know what I do, honestly? I compare myself to everyone. Not in a jealous way. But I look at what everyones doing and try to see if I am doing the same thing. I look at people success and make sure I as well is on that path. Its a stupid way to be. I find myself becoming sad or down because I have not got what I wanted in life. Sometimes my mind shoves me and says “Bitch, you can’t have everything!” Which is true. I mean, you can..but you will always want something more. Life is such a world wind. A constant crazy roller coaster ride. For me it is such a scary one. I woke up in panic. I woke up in worries. I need to fucking draw. I need to get this out. Fuck The Sims today. I need me to come out. My talent. Something I know Im good at. Something I can look at and say, “I expressed that”. I need a way out. So here it comes.
Otep. My favorite band. My rock star band. I fell away from the heavy metal scene awhile back. I will be honest. When Lady Gaga walked her ass on stage I knew I found the next best thing in pop music. Britney Spears and all those pop icons were my addiction in high school, but they were all being made fun of by everybody. When Lady Gaga comes out on the scene...she gains respect. Yeah, she gets laughed at because of her weird outfits, but thats it. Not one person, AND I MEAN NOT ONE PERSON, can say they do not like her music. And if you do not like any of her music, I bet a million dollars you were in the shower reciting Pokerface while singing into the showerhead. Im not stupid. C’mon her shit is catchy.
But when she came and when rap made a comeback. I fell away from the metal music. Kanye made me fall in love with rap again, and Nicki Minaj...I mean...well, look at her. I just dispearred from the scene.
For some reason on friday, I go on Itunes to see if Otep had a new album and of course, she did, and I heard nothing about it. I felt ashamed, honestly...LOL!
But to make a long story short. I got the CD “Smash The Control Machine” and wow....
One of the tracks, touched me in a way nothing has touched me before. It does not even sound like her at all. I had to double check when it came on because it sounded totally like someone else. A piano was in the background for god sake! Im use to hearing Otep growl and snarl and scream on a track. But here she was, innocent and soft. It was beautiful. And call me cliche, but, i feel I was suppose to hear this album NOW. Not then, it wasn’t meant for me to hear it then...
It was for right now. At this moment.
The song is titled “Ur A WMN Now”. And if that wasn’t a call from somewhere. I felt something. I knew something. It was like I was a bird, and she opened the cage for me to fucking fly. Sounds dramatic but thats what it was. It changed me, it was meant for me to hear, right now.
I stand by that. I believe that.
Music Listened To Today:
1.) Oh So Surreal! by Otep
2.) Smash The Control Machine by Otep
3. Do it Like A Dude by Jessie J
4.) Ur A Wmn Now by Otep
Im so drawing today: