Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now.....

Ever realize that everything in your life has changed. I think when you reach a certain age you look at everything. What you have done, what you are doing, what you have won, and what you have lost. When I look back, I see that things have changed for the good, and maybe sometimes the bad. You do not see people the same way you did when you were sixteen. Life is more complicated. I find myself falling into a pit of thoughts. Some stuff I care about, other stuff I wonder why I care. Being here in California has done wonders for me. I love traveling and living new places. I feel like it is a fresh start. Yet, I feel California has strained some relationships of mine. When you become just a phone call, peoples visions of you change. I feel the world has moved on from me. But I have not yet moved on from it. Everyone is living their own life. Something I have to accept I guess. Hard pill for me to swallow. This week has been tough. The only hands I can fall into was my husbands, and what a savior he is.

I sometimes feel to lucky to have someone like him. Im not the prettiest girl, Im chunky, Im not exotic looking by any means. Yet, he treats me as if I was a super model on the cat walk. Sometimes I question it. Why me? How come I have someone so amazing. He answered me one time and said "Why not you?" It feels almost unfair. He truly adores me. I honestly do not even know why. Im dramatic, a mess, a spaz and so much more. But he tells me if I wasn't all those things, I would not be me. Where did this guy come from? Im so thankful for him. He is my everything, when all fails, he is there. When people change he is there, when things fall apart, he is there.

This week was horrible. It was back to back dumb shit. Things that made me want to vomit. I even bought some clearing salt for me to take a bath in, because Im swarmed with negative energy. It won't get off me.
How rad is my hair...? Turned out awesome...

So I was writing my story today and just stopped. I am so flaky with this story of mine. I keep writing then stopping. I have a drive for it then it disappears. I want to draw but, I have no inspiration at the time. Nothing is working for me here. My brain is dead. My creative side has shut down and went on hiatus. What the hell am I going to do now. Maybe because I had a bad week so far and all I can think about is negative shit. Who knows. The salt bath did not even work by the way...

Wish me luck for the rest of this week.

Im in love with Paramores Haley Williams voice. She sounds so beautiful.
I love pretty boyish girls..
They are true to themselves...

I have books of proverbs and quotes on my shelf. I got these in the 10th grade for enlightenment...Yeah, i was a pretty deep emo 15 year old..

one of my favorite quotes in the red book was
"Love is not finding the perfect person, but finding the not-so-perfect person perfect."


shut up..I know...

Music Listened To Today:
Im In Here by Sia
Airplanes by B.OB feat Haley Williams
We Be Steady Mobbin by Lil Wayne & Gucci Mane


  1. Your husband sounds lovely; you're so lucky to have found someone who really loves you for who you are! Sounds cringey but it's true! Sorry your week's been rubbish, things can only get better and you'll get your creativity back soon. It doesn't really matter though because at the end of the day your hair still looks amazing.
    (sorry if this comments twice, stupid thing didn't work first time)

  2. There are months when I don't want to draw or write anything...(which is really bad for me since that's how I intend to make a living. As for inspiration why don't you try sketching the characters of your story. Try to pull out what they look like in your head.

    Everybody has shitty weeks just keep your head above the water and try to get your ass to shore. Or you can stare that shit wave in the face laugh at it and surf to shore.